Holy crap, will this shit ever end? Whatever, I promised an eight-part series, and eight parts it shall be. And plus, it's movie day, and everyone loves movies, so just fuckin relax already.
The 12 Best Films Of 2006
For the first time in years, I actually went out and saw a lot of new movies.. enough that I'm able to write up one of these things and have it appear somewhat accurate. Many people came down on 2006 as being one of the worst movie years in ages. Granted, it was no 1999, but it was still a crazy enjoyable movie year. (They have a tendancy to get better closer to Xmastime anyway.) I've also thrown some special awards into the mix, just so I could include some sort of commentary.
(I tried my best to leave spoilers out of the special awards. But if you're really anal about that stuff, there's not much I can do about it.)
(A "d:" means "directed by," a "w:" means "written by," and "d/w:" means "directed and written by." If none of these abbreviations are used, it means the name in paranthesis wrote and directed.)
#12: Clerks II (Kevin Smith)
 | "The 'Good Enough To Be In Color' Award" "Best Usage Of The Phrase 'Porch Monkey'" "Best Usage Of Rosario Dawson's Boobies" "Anti-LOTR Rant Of The Year" |
#11: The Science Of Sleep (Michel Gondry)
 | "Best Full-Length Adaptation Of The Foo Fighters' 'Everlong' Video" "Best Stop-Motion Sequences" "Most Awkwardly Inappropriate Pickup Lines" |
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#10: The Proposition (d: John Hillcoat, w: Nick Cave)
 | "Most Disturbingly Violent Film Of 2006" "Best Costumes & Set Design" "Best Film Score" (Nick Cave) |
#9: Jackass Number Two (d/w: Jeff Tremaine, w: Spike Jonze, Johnny Knoxville)
 | "Funniest Old Man & Old Lady Sequences" "Best Scene Of Bam Margera Crying" "Most Repulsive Close-Up Shot Of Human Shit" "Best Usage Of Bees" (This really is the most important award if you think about it.) |
#8: The Departed (d: Martin Scorsese, w: William Monahan)
 | "Best Ensemble Cast" (Surprisingly) "Best X-Ray Vision" (Matt Damon, sending text messages with his phone still pocketed) "Best Usage Of Mark Wahlberg's Boston-Fueled Anger" |
#7: V For Vendetta (d: James McTeigue, w: Andy & Larry Wachowski, David Lloyd)
 | "Best Film For Pissing Off Conservatives" "Angriest Villian" "Best Dominoes" |
#6: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (d: Larry Charles, w: Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Hines, Peter Baynham, Dan Mazer)
 | "Most Fearless Film Of The Year" "Best Commentary Of Modern-Day America" "The 'Clueless' Award" (aka "Best Catch Phrases") "Movie Scene Of The Year" (Naked wrestling) |
#5: Brick (Rian Johnson)
 | "Best Movie Where Modern Teenagers Talk Like They're In The 1920's" "Best Character Names" (Brain, The Pin, Tugger, Dode, etc) "Mom Of The Year" (The Pin's Mom) "Best Usage Of The Velvet Underground" |
#4: Half Nelson (d/w: Ryan Fleck, w: Anna Boden)
 | "Sleepy-Eyes Of The Year" (Ryan Gosling) "Best Crack" "Most Atypical Teacher-Student Film" ("Best Score" Nominee - Broken Social Scene) |
#3: Pan�s Labyrinth (Guillermo del Toro)
 | "The 'Fucked-Up' Award" "Meanest Stepfather Of The Year" "Scariest Frog-Creature-Thing" "Best Cinematography" |
#2: Crank (Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor)
 | ("Best Chase Scene" Nominee - Mall) "Best Sex Scene" "Best Usage Of Pedro From Napoleon Dynamite" "Best Coke" |
#1: Children Of Men (d/w: Alfonso Curaon, w: Timothy J Sexton, David Arata, Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, P.D. James)
 | "Outstanding Achievement In Extreme Gripping Intensity" "Best Chase Scene" (Motorcycles) "Best Wake-Up Call To The World" "Special Award For Anti-Flipflops Propaganda" "Best Apron With Ringo's Face On It" (I think it was Ringo.) "Best Soundtrack" |
A Few Others
Hey, I also liked these movies...
Snakes On A Plane (d: David R. Ellis) Grandma�s Boy (d: Nicholaus Goossen) Thank You For Smoking (d: Jason Reitman) Dave Chappelle's Block Party (d: Michel Gondry) Idiocracy (d: Mike Judge)
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